


FRYER EMBLAM TREE HOUSES: BUYLETH VS THE LIBRUL AGANDA

by ConcertativFanfecton



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: 2024 Election, America AU, American Politics, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Christianity, Conservative characters, Everything is misspelled, F/F, F/M, Government Conspiracy, Gun Violence, Homophobia, Homophobic Byleth, Homophobic Dimitri, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Islamophobia, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Politics, PragerU, Pédophiles, Racism, Satire, Suicide, Transphobia, conversion therapy, transphobic language, trollfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 14,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConcertativFanfecton/pseuds/ConcertativFanfecton
Summary: Boylith lerns about God and he and his Christan frends Dimeatri, Edalgrud, and Clod go to PraggerU to spred Cristianity and Concertatism! But Amrica is cuntrolled by evul libruls and they knead to defeet them! Wil Edgeguard becum precedent or wil the librul comanists win?
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	1. BLYLETH MEAT GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High! My nam is Michael Churchill. Im 14 yeers old and Im a convertative and i luv God and Juices and the Bibble and Tromp and I hat libruls. I hoap you lick my storry!

My name is Bileth. I’m a hunter who works with my dad Gerald and I’m pretty dang good at it!  
One day I was sleeping and had a dream. An Oldman discended from the heavens.  
“Hello my child, I am god.” he said  
“Cool!” I said “I didnt know you were real god?” I said  
“Hmmm… your dad must be an atheist. Thats a sin and you must save him by confencing him to become a christan. Otherwise he will go to Hall when he dies.”  
Then god pulled out a book and opened it. A lotta light came out of it and i was instancely given full knowledge of the bible.  
“This is the bibble, the history of what happened in the distint past.” God sade. “Now go my child, spread the word of the lured! If you ever need help, prey to me”  
Then I woke up.

“Dad” i said to my dad “have you ever heard of christanity?”  
Dad looked surprised for a second.  
“Uhhh no” he said  
“Well its real!” i said, then told him all about the bible.  
“Thats just a ferry tail” he said in his thick southern accent. “I dont belief in that stuff no more”  
We went out into the woods to huntr. I was about to shoot a deer with my rife but then i heard a voice.  
“Stop!” someone said. “Thats my pet!”  
There was a black guy wearing yellow and he petted the deer on the head.  
“please dont shoot me” he said. He didn’t have a southern accent so he must not be from here. I was worried he might be a liberal until I noticed he had a snipper rifle on his back. So he must be a conservative too. THeres no way a liberul would have a gun.  
“My name is Clawed” he said “I’m from the Denis Pragger Universetty of Conservantism and Christianity”  
“Woah that sounds awesome” i said “those are some of the coolest things ever!” I noticed he was also realy hansom.  
Then a blonde guy wearing blue came and said “You dont look like a conservation” he said “you have blue hair, like a liberal gay. What is your name”. From his south accent i could tell he was from round these parts.  
I was mad at him cause he was implying im a gay libero.  
“First off its a natural color. I dont know why its blue it just is! Second my name is Bileth”  
“Okay then, sorry to incinerate that your a fag like that. I am Dimmadome”  
“Nice to meat you” i said. Then i saw another person, she was a beautiful girl she had white hair and was really pritty. I hope shes a conserative too!  
“Hi, I’m Ehelguard” she said. “Im a comservatie too."  
Then dad came over riding his horse.  
“So you guys ar from a school that teches Christanity?” said dad  
“Yeah. We also teech Consorvative values.” sed Edgeguard.  
“Can I go to Pragger U dad?” i sed.  
“Alright fine” he said

Suddenly a guy dressed in an army unicorn appeared. The uniform had a cross on it. It was Alouise, dad’s friend from the army during the war in the Middle Eats against Sodom Insane 20 years ago. Apparently dad was a christen but became an antiest for some raisin. Alouis became a chrischan because he wanted to be like dad. He took us into a hellicopter and we flew to Wankington CD.

Along the way I found out that Dimete is a dissendant of Gorge Wastington, Edgeguard is a dissendant of Abhorham Linkin, and Cloud is the great grandson of Ronald Raygun (hes part black part white and thats how hes related to Reigen, whos on the white side of his family). Its awesome that my new friends are all descentants of some of the greatest conversatives in history!

“Were here” said Alus and we got out at Washingnot. There was a big church. “Thats the Vactician, it used to be in Ittly but they moved because Italy is in Europ and Europ got taken over by Muslums, also the Pope doesnt know spanish so no one there understood her”  
Then someone wearing fancy robs came over to me. She had green hair so I thought she might be a liberal, but I could tell from the crass on her hat that she was the Poop!

TO BE CONTITUED


	2. PRAGGER UNIVERSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok in this univers Reha is the Poop insted of Poop Frances and she maed Pegger U into a reel collage.
> 
> Also why does Arkiv Over Oun cal Fir Eemblem The Horses "Fuckasexagetso"? I gess thats what they cal it in Asain.

“Hello” said the Pop. “I am Pop Reah. Your Billith right?”  
“Yeah” i said  
“God told me who you are. He wants you to teach at Prager Urinersity.”  
“Wait a secant Reha” said a guy with green hair like hers. “Who is this randum person and why do you want him to be a profession?”  
“God has big planes for him.” said Hera. “Just have faith”  
“Ugg, okay then. I am Seth and i am lady Reah’s avisor.”

Then Seth’s sister Flan showed me around the Vaccine. She showed me the statues of the fondues of the school: Denny’s Pranker and Bean Spearow and Mild Yiannapolio (idk how to spell his name) and Pale Josef Watsans. They travelled back in time to kill Car Mark (the guy who invented communism) before he could write the Commuist Manga Pesto. But then they never came back. The statues were erect in their honor.

Then we went to PragerU. It started as a humble youtube channel that just wanted to spread the truth but when Reeha became the poop and moved to america she used her money to turn it into a real collage. She also helped them win the lowsuit and exposed the librul bias in youtube. Then they replaced the head of youtube Sudan Wojack with the best youtuber of all: PuKeyPie.

I went to the classrooms of each house. In the Back Beagles i met Hubort and Fergiehand and Captar and Limbheart and Peter and Dorothy and Burnadeta. In the Blue Linens i met Deduce and Felix (not Kellburg unfortunatey) and Ash and Sylveon and Ingrained and Mercenaries and a net. In the Golden Dear i met Holda and Ignuts and Repeal and Lauren and Lenny and Marinara and Lucina. 

“You half to pick a house to lead” said Reah.  
“Let me think about it” i said. I didn’t no witch one to choose! So i prayed to God. “God, which house should i side with?”  
“How about you spend a day with each house?” he said. That was a good idea! So I chose the Blue Lyin’s first. 

“Howdy!” said Dimeatri when i went into his classrome. He was twerking out with Dadue and Feelix. Ingot was feeting her hoarse hey and Cilantro was flurting with a girl. Mercury was praying while Aunt was singing Gods Not Dad by the Nooseboys.  
“My God’s not dad, he sure is alive, he’s livid on the inside, roring like a lion” (get it because blue lines?)

Then i taut them a bobble studies lesion. I taugh them the story of Genius since its the first book and its the first day.  
"God curated the earth SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO! Not a gazillion like the liberals say." Everyone cheered because i was right.  
"This new techer is rely smart unlike that evilutionist Handyman" said Sylvan

The next day i was with the black peoples. Edelbard was reading Twelve Rools for Life by Jorgen Penison. Hugert and Furrynand were having a plitical discussion. Lintart was sleeping and Catbar was reading a comic book. I noticed it was a Cap’n Marval comic (liberal poopaganda) so i gave him a gud comic book insted. Perta was reading a spansh to engrish dickonary and Dorathe was helping her lurn. I axed if she was an illeagle ingrate or not but she shoed me her pappers and cunfirmed that she cam hear leegally.  
I gav them a bible lesin on the ten commencements. I shoed them a video called the Tin Comandits Rap. (heres the lunk) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0QTHEOIr44

On the turd day i tat the golem deer. when i went in the classroom Lurens was putting on makup (i wiped it off cause boys shuldnt wear mudkip), Ingots and Marijuana were preying to god, Hidla and Lispia were talking about girl things and Raffle and Loonie were watching Fuck News.  
"Wheres Clod?" I asked Hulda because she is freinds with Clud  
"Hes talking to professor Honeyman" she said. That was the guy who belief in evoltron. I went to check it out.  
"Claw, i am going to give you an f on your test because you said the earth was cratered by god and not the Bug Bag" said Hanuman.  
"But God israel and facts donut care about your feelings" said Cod.  
"Then how cum no one has ever scene him?" Said Handyman.  
"I HAVE!" i said.  
"Lol ur lion" he said  
"No in not. Kristins never lie. Its in the Tan Commendments." I said.  
Hangman was so triggered by my facts and loguc that he waked away. Tipicul liboral collage professer. I dont even know why hes at this scool.  
Then me and Clud went to class. I put on some pragger u videos for the goldeen deer class.

The next day was the seteth so everyon had the day off. I went to Sabbaths office.  
"Well Bilith, have you chosen your class yet?" He asked.  
I didnt know which one to chews so i thot about it for a minute. Then i finly disided.  
"I choice…."

TO BE CONTINUDE


	3. THE MUCK BATTOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There tryig to put Trunp insid a peech? Wy wold they do such a thign! I bet the librals wil send the pech out into the oshan like in Jams and the Ginat Petch so he cant be presidint anymore. My librul hystery teechur Mr. Wilsun said that hes exited for Tramp to be "in-peeched". I hop they dont put him in a peech and he stays as president until 2024! Caus hes a rely god precedent and if he gets kinked out of orfice then my storey wont be acurate (hes stil pheasadent in 2024 in the storry).
> 
> Anyway this chaptor has a lin that cums from this rely gud auntie-gay vidoe that my dad shoed me called Buoys Bewear. Its frum 1961 but its on YewTub sumhow. I think it discribs homesexualty rely wel. Hears the lank  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTn7ALbLYPI

"I choice… ALL OF THEM!" i sed.  
"Bulteth you ridiculus dunce! Your not supost to do that!" said Sadeth.  
Then Poap Raya walked in!  
"I will allow it" she said. Then i high fived her.

Then the pape gave us our first mishonh.  
"Your mishin is sapposed to be a mocha battle between the houses but you half all the houses now. So youl have to pick a hows for the battle." so I dicided on the boo lions. 

I had to tran all my students to fite in the mock battle. I taut them how to use sorts and axis and lankes and boas and magic (but not stanic magic this is magic of god) and how to ride peegasis and whoreses.

Then on day after class Dametri and Murcede axed to talk to me. 

“Pofessor, Mercury is sick. A sickens that is not visable like smolpox, but no less damgerous and cuntagus. A sicknis of the mind You see, Marcedes is a homesexual, a person who dements an intermit relatonship with memers of the one sex.”  
I was socked to hear that she was gay even though she seemed like a good cristen girl!  
“I prey every day to be cured of my hummusexuality.” she said “but its not working. I need to goto conversation therapy.”  
“Not so fat” someone said. it was Hairyman! “Contorsion therapy doesnt work! Bean gay is totally natural! You cant chang someones secuality!”  
“Why?” i said  
“Becuase its boyology!” said Hanuman.  
“But you also say you can chang your gendor. Thats not bilology” said Dimtree.  
Hammyman got triggered again and left.  
“Well the mach battle is tamorrow, we dont have enuff tim to start doing convert therapy yet. Well start it the day after the battle” I said.  
“Thank you! I cant weight!” said Marsedes.

The nex day was the mop battle. I was leading the Blu Lyins, Handycan was leading the Back Beagle and an otter teacher named Mandela was leading the Gulpin Deer. Manella was dressed really sexyly and her cleveland was showing. Then Rhoa and Seth and Flen shoed up to watch.

“Hey you cant dress like that! We have a dress code!” said Setit. “Your gonna turn Flank lesbun if you explose her to stuf like that in her forbative years!”

Then Manchuria tried to deduce Sedeath but sins he did not belief in sax before marridge he just lucked away. Rea walked over to her and put her in a none outfit. 

“If you had saduced me when i was yunger i would have been attractored to you because I use to be a lesban until i went to conversation tharpy.” said Ree. “Luck at me now. Thats poof that cumversion theory works”

Handyman was triggered again. Then the battal begin.  
The blue lians ran through the field and then we ran into Clod and his friends.  
“Were in the bushes so you cant hit us!” said Clause. Then Annutt cast a friar spell and burned the bush like in the story of Mopes in the book of Exudes, defeeting the antire Goldin Deer class.

Then we were up against Hammyman and the Black Eggles. I was about to run right in to fight Handy Dan when i got hit by a speer.  
“I am Fordinad van Ire” said Ferbinand on Anger. He tried to nock me out but then Maldives saved me by casting Nostrodamus and beating him.  
“Thanks Macedes” i said “i promis to cur your homoactuality”  
Drumiti was fiting Eggohard cause they wer the best fitters on their houses. So I went to fite Hankieman.  
“You stooped conserbative!” he said. “You will never stop us liborel salsalists!” he shat a lighting bold at me.  
“Wait a secand, our magoc is a gift from God” i said. “So how are you using madgick if your an athist?”  
“Oh no” said Hempman. So he couldnt use magic anymore and i beat him.

“The winner is the Boob Lambs” said the Poop. Then everone aplodded me and the others. Then I requasted the Poop to change the name of Blue Lieons to the Rad Lions because blue sounded to loberal.

TOBY CONTINUED


	4. CONVERSATION THERPY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chaptre wil be kidna short. My stooped librul Anglish techer Mrs Clansy gav me an Anglish essey over the weakend and my dad sed hell smush my Nematode Stitch with a hamer if I dont finnish it.

The day after the mack battle, me and the prists and bisharps of the Vaccination started setting up a contorsion therapey senter. We put up posters around Pranker U that advertized it. They said “if you stuggle with same sex attaction, come to convection theory.”

Mersaties, Linkhard, and Dorphea shown up to thorapy. So did this knite guy named Gogurt who was friends with Deeptree’s dad before he was asastinated by the clitoral marxits for tying to expose Hillory Clinkins turdy thousand emales.  
Bafore it started everyone got tested by Rea casting a holey spell that can test for gayness. Everyone who had come tested positive for homosexality but she could tell i was strate as an aero.

The first phrase of condition terapy was electrike shocks. They got showed gay imaginary and then got electic shocks. Then they were shoed stragt stuff and were not shocked.  
Then the gay bois throw away their dreg cloths and makup and souled their musicol tickits and the lesban gorls riped up there hum deepo coopons and throhed away their scizors (theres some lestians at my skool and they talk about sissoring so i gess leslians do something with ceasars).  
Finly, all the bois got girfriends and the girls got bofriends. Merbabies stated dating Dadue, Limpfart starded dating Lisipia, Gligar remarryd his wife (he divored his wife and left his dotter Adept to start a gay likestyle but now he is strate again so their back together), and Dorkothea started dating me. We went on a dat at Kick-fill-a and then we went to see No Save Spaces (thats Denys Paper’s movie). We kist during it because we are strat.

The concussion therapy was a grate sacsess and everyone had become straight. Suddenly a lemonade pulled up into the drivway of Prague U and the Vise Precedant My Penis came out!  
“Im hear to conglaturate you all on your combination therapy” he said “Parger U has ristorked my fayth in the ameripan collage system.” Then he shuck my hand.

The nex day Seth gave me my naxt assinement. Their was an anteetha rally gong on and they were destoying a city and we had to stop them!

TO BE CUNTINYOU


	5. SAVE DOMALD TRAMP!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finnished my Engrish essy! Its aboat the buck Anime Form by Gorge or Well. Its aboat how collumnism is bad so i rely licked it. Kind of weerd that my Englush techor is a libral but she gav us a buck thats auntie comanism.
> 
> Ass for this cahpter its aboat savning Donnal Turnip. Its rely rellovent to the curent plitical salutation but their savng him frum Aunt Tifa insted of beaning put in a peech. This chepters aslo gonna be kind a short caus its Sonday and i half to go to Cherch and aftr that i haf too by som Crassmas presints for my flammy. So im gunna be bizzy todayy.

Sexeth tuck me into the ellivator in the cathidrill and we went to the top floor. We could see all of Waspington CD. Part of it was on fire and everone had ejaculated so no one was their. All the widows of the bilding were broke. I new that was were Anita had been. The tral of distraction was going furter tords the Wite Hows! I luked through a binoculars and saw Antiqua membors marking down the rode like the Notsies in the epasode of Sothe Prack where Carmen becomes a Nutsy (i dint like that episod because it incelts one of my favrit conservatib acters Male Gibbon)

I calld the hous leaders (i teech all thee houses but theyr all stil seprate) and Dimatri and Cloud shoed up. Amplegard didnt though, she must be bizzy (shes studying to be a presidental candidat). So the Golden Beer and the Rep Ligmas wer cuming with me. We all got in a helpicopter and flied to the wipe house. But by the tim we got there the Antofu memers had surrounded it! they were throwing milksakes full of siment and bike cocks at the secrete severus members and they were also hitting randum people with their batball bats. 

"Puthim in a peech! Pot him in apeach!" they chantid.

I junked out of the heckilopter and landid on an Anita member, nocking him out. Then evyone got out of the hellcopter.  
“Hey Entita, if you lik combinism so much, why dont you move to Venezia?” i said  
“hey thats actally a good idea” said on of them. So a lot of the ampifas got into the hellocopter and flew to Vuvuzela. Since mos of them had left they were essayer to beet. We used our medevil weapins and guns and majic and defeeted them all. 

Then Dondle Turnip came out the wite house once it was safe for him to leaf.  
“Thenk you for saving me and savig demoncracy from those combinists. THEY CLAM to be ant fashionista but there the reel fashionists.” said Dump. He gave me the medol of homer and diclared me a natonal hero.

Memewhile in Ventoaureo, the anita membranes got there and were instently all murderd by drug caramels.

TO BE COMPETENT


	6. THE TRANS LIBRUL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so mad. In clas i taked aboat how Tramp sholdnt get put in a peech caus thats cool and anusual punushmunt and this tansgender librul named Lilly in my class sed that theres noting rong with it caus its how they punush the pheasident if he dose sumting wong and that she hops he gets inpeached. I told "her" to go cut her dik of and i got dutention for it! WTF! Transes like to cut there dics off how is that evan a bad thing to say to one? This is cleerly just a weigh for them to silens me becaus im a conversative. CUMSERVANTIVS AR MORE APPRESSED THAN BLT PEOPLE!!!!!

The next day i went to the Block Aglets classrom after scool. Edeltard and Derpathea were there. So was Fordinand on Fire and Hugert.  
“I am Feetinand van Aggro” said Fartinand vox Actor.  
“Hes trying to say Idolgard wants to apollogize to you” said Hunger.  
“Well wat is it?” i ask  
“Im sory i coldnt come to fite anteetha with you” said Anklebard. “I was riting a champagne spech for beecuming peasant. It was vary impotent”  
“thats okay. If you bicum praisident in the 2024 erection then the lickerals wont bee able to run Amurkia four for mor years.” i sed (its the yeer 2024 in this storey)

Then me and Dorathe wet on a date. We had tee tim while lustening to her Cristan rock album (she is a sanger in a Crispan ronk band cald The Jesis Fricks). We kiss because we are both strate.  
Saddenly some libruls shoed up.  
“Lol Dorapea is gauy” they said “i bet her boifred has a vagona”  
“Shut up loberals! You wish i had a bagina!” i said  
“Ok then maybe Dotatea has a pines” they said.  
“No i dont!” she said “i hate transgendereds!” then we beeted the literals up. When on of them falled on the ground, he dropt something out of his pockit. it was a battle of pills that wer labuled “astrogen”  
“Whirled Star!” shouted a black liburel who was hiding and had vidiotapped the hole thing. Then he ran away. The otter liberal pieced up the pills and ranned away.

Then next mourning my dad woked me up.  
“Builteth, yor in treble!” he said, “the lickerals are framming you for a hat crime!”  
“Ono!” i said. Then dad turd on the nose, but it wasnt a risible news sorce like Fuck Noose or Brightfart, it was CNN!  
“This vido uploted to WorldStoreHopHop depics the consertative collage perfessor Buyloth and his gorlfriend Orathea cummiting a hate crim by asalting a trangander. Ass you can see hear, the person they beet up dropped some estogan pills, meening she is a tans girl. Rite before they beet her up, Dorkathy says she “hates trapgenders””

I was furryous. Tipical liborel preprogramda talking everythig out of contaxt! they only stated ricording when they got her to say that!  
I left my room and ran to the soupreem cort bilding. Brep Caffeineoff was in their.  
“Bet Karkaroff, you kneed to halp me! The literals are lying abot me on natonal televisin! As summon who has gon threw the same thig you can shorely halp me su them for detonation.” i said.  
“Im sorry Boleth but if i help you su the people who made it, it will only make you luck wors to the libruls case they hat me. But i cane help you in otter ways. Fallow me.”  
Brit Krakenugh led me to a secrete govormint fasillity that had a lot of gards in frunt of it. They let him thru and let me go to because im with him. Then he wet up to a mashin and it scand his eyebol and a dore opened up. We went threw and there was a tim mushin in there!

“This tide mechon is a sickrit gavernment projet that Tramp stated to kill Carl Marps, but Mark was stronker than we thot and he killd all the peeple who went to assinate him. Now im guna let you use it to privent the limperals from stating a smeer campin on you. go back in tim to yestorday and dont do anyting that the linterals want you todo” said Bit Caveman and then he laft. 

I turd on the tim masheen and went back in thyme to yestorday. I was back in the Bat Evils cassroom and Dorapea axed me out on a dat.  
“Sory but i cant” i said.  
Then i went to were the libruls were. They were stil their weighting for me to shoe up. I sneak up behind the bleck guy and stol his fone so he coldnt ricord me. Then i beet him up and beat up the others with his unconkous boddy.

“How did you no we wold be there” said the trainie librul  
“I cold ask you the sam! Who sent you?”  
“Ill nevor tall” he said, then pulled ot his pills and tuck on. I let him cause tangenter whoremons are bad for you and he diserved to hav his body get mest up. Its not like their actully syanid pills rite?  
But saddenly the tranny dyed! They WERE SAYONARA PILLS AFTOR AL! Tansgenders always kil themselfs so I shold have seen this cuming. The otter literals had also kild themselfs.  
“Ono! Now ill nevor find out who was beehind it!”

Then me and Dorathy went on a dabble dat at chockfulla with Dimetrodon (who was lucking rely hanson today) and Mersedes. I was kind of sad that i had falled at unmesking the loberal who was beehind it all but also hapy that they hadint actualized me of a hat crame.

TUBEY CONTAGIOUS


	7. ASHES SICKRAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hav a snom day today!!! I donut have to go too school! My matt teachr was gunna give us a big quiz tody but he cant caus scool is canselled! God mustov made it snoo so i woodnt half to take the test! Aslo my scool's diginerate LGTV club is on toosday (which is tueday) so it must be tanks to God halping to stop the gay agender! Thank you God!
> 
> Yestorday i shoed the fanfic to my frends and on of them thot that the tittle was a refrins to "Simpson Versailles the Home of Sexuals Agunda" witch is a gay propanegander buck. ITS NOT! I DONT REED GAY BUCKS OR WACH GAY MOOVYS CAUS IM 1000000% STRATE!!!!! maybe hes the homo! Im gunna try to get to the botom of this (not in a gay weigh).

It was a botiful day at Paper U. Me and Atsh were preying togeter. Suddinly we herd a ror. We ran outsid and saw CHARETARD FROM POLKAMON!  
“ROR!” said Carpizarp and he breethed fir. Ash throw a Pope Ball at it and imprisoned it bifore it could hurt us.

“Wot just happened?” i said.  
“Its tim i told you my sacred” said Bash. “ I am actually Ass Ketchup from Punkemon.”  
I gasp. Poemon is libral evaluation propeganda crated by the Chinose guvormint to turn kids into librals and statenists.  
“Im a gud guy now but i use to be a libarrel. When i was a kid i was pore because of Obaba casing the stork macket crush. So my parrots additioned me for a tv shoe called Pokeyman. I gut the leed roll and we bacame rick and famus. But on day i reelized that it was librul propane and left. They riplaced me with a clon and i got pastic sugary to luck difrint. But i diply rugrat being part of that ligmaral shoe.”

Suddinly Ask got a pone call. “Im gong to the harber, cum with me. Get all the otters, we mite have to fite summon” he said.  
So i got everyon to cum with us. Wen we got to the horber the ENTER ASAN MILATERRY WAS THEIR!  
“Knee how” (that meens helo in asain) said the liter. “I am King Jock One, the dictato of Asea and inventer of Poopymon. We half cum to take back Ash. The clome of Ash isnt as gud as the orignal and ratings for Ponymon are droping, witch is damidging our ecomomy.”  
“Im not gong back! your prumoting comanism and evaluation and duval warship!” said Ask.  
“Then you will dye!” said Kim Jorgen. He sent out all his Poemon to fite us. He had evry Popomon in exitance so we new it would be a vary tuff fight. He aslo had a bunk of comic-ozzy plains. Those are the plans that boned Perl Harber by crushing into it durian Whirled Whore 2. 

“Not so fat!” said a vois. I lucked behind us and it was Natch, the curator of Mimecraft! Hes a contervative too. The libruls hat him and theyre saying that som transgondor aniem girl called Hatson Mike is the reel cretor of Minkraft becaus liborals are dum and think anniemay is reel.. He put on the Infamy Gontlit and snailed his fingers. Haf of the Pukeymon turd to dust.  
“No! Whut half you dun!?!” yelled Kin Jimin. Then all the Polymon fans in the wurld shoed up.  
“Wy did you get rid of the nathaniel dix?” they said. “We hat you!” then they turd against Kick Jango and beet up the Pockmon that wer left and then beet up him. He was defeet and got sent to prisin and the cuntry of Aisa was no longer columnist.

Everone stated cherring but then i remumbred something. Natch! Using the unfunny gunklet had killed him!  
“We wun mr nock. We one and you did it sur” said Ass. Nudge smelled and then dead

We all went to Nachos fumeral. The wimin cryd but the mans didnt because men don cry. Sudinly some transistors shoed up and dansed on his gave!  
“Rest in peases trainsphobe!” they said.  
“Hey tannies! Theres onlay too gondors!” i sed. They got tiggered so hard they turd to dust too.

TWO BEE CAN’T IN YOU’D


	8. THA SORD OF THE CRATER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their votting to impech Tump rite now. I hop they dont suxeed in it. Btw my dad tolled me that impitchmint isnt actully being put in a paech. I gess that maks more sens than putin him insid a peech.

After King Jimin was inprism, me, Edelard and Hunkert went to his sell to interagat him. At force he woodent talk but after Humbert used madoka to torter him he craked.  
“On of my closet ally is this misterious guy cald the Flake Empurer. He is the liter of Antofu. He sas that he is gonna send antita memers and satinists to assinate the Pube tonite.  
I gapsed. “We need to stap him!”

For the rast of the day me and the balk eagols pripard for the astination. We worned the Pop about it and tuck her to the deepist aria of the Vaccine. It was a tom where Jizzus himself was berried.  
Saddenly the dore was kinked down. Ambifa memoires brock into the tumb! Butt they coldnt find the Pomp. We had lured them hear and then she prade to God to telport her away to safely. We had traped the anita thugs!

I used my glonk to shot at the clitoral marsists, and Eggogarb used her acts. Hoover used maddick and Fergienad of Ire used a salt rifol. Cancer pinched them and Longfart heeled us wen we were heart. Donuthea shat lighting at them, Peter hit them with her chunkleta (bicause shes mexocan), and Birdabetta hid in on of the coughins. Sun all of the amplify membranes were kill, exept on of them. She had a mack so i coldnt sea her fate, but she was catsing bleck magic. Dorytea tried to fite her and they shat magic beans at each otter like in Hairy Patter (its a stanic whichcraft movie but i saw it wen i was littal and didnt no rite frum rong but if you no what its like then its lik that). But she was too stong for Darumaka to beat. Anklehard snoop up behid her and try to fight in ham to ham cumbat. But she was isally defeet.

“Hoe are you so strang?” she said.  
“Becase i have MAIL BONG DESTINY!” said the anita boss. She riped of her mack and reviled she was CONGAPOINTS! Contraband is a trackgender yootubber who that trammie in my class named Lilay watchs. she keps trang to fork me to wanch hers vidos to turn me librol but i refuse for obvos resins.

“You half an unfairy adventage!” i said as i started fist fitting her. “Yoru a men so you cant run arond beeting up wimen!”  
“Shut up biggit! Im a WOMBAN!” she said. Then she noked me down and ran to the tom of Jesas! I ran after her. But insted of Jessie’s corps, she pull out a sord. She through it at me to try to kil me, but it curv its transjectory and safety floated into my hand.

Sudanly i herd the vois of God.  
“That is a divin sord that i have personelly blest.” he said. “Now you weeld its powar”  
So I used the sord to defeet Kongapants. The polites and the nites of the vaccine came in and arrest her and the other anita memers.  
“Dam you fashonists! You litteraly opress us!” she said as she got takan to prism. They coldnt put her in the woman prism or the man prism so they put her in a new gondor neutral prism which would be werse than ether caus its full of transes.

The nex day Adelegard tocked to me after class.  
“Profession, that sord is the swored of God. Onely those with wholly blud can weld it. We need to go to Handyman’s orifice to check your crast.”  
“My cyst?” i sed.  
“Its a thing that peeple who are decieted from impotent peeple have. Fur example I have the crank of Angerham Linkin. Dimension has the crust of Gorge Walkingon. Clad has the cost of Ramble Raygun.”  
So we brok into Happymans rome when he was on an eren. There was a tule that scans you for a cyst. It shoed that I have the breast of… JEEZITS!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTITTY


	9. THE ICIS FORTRISS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE LIBORALS EMPECHED TRUAP! I CANT BELIEF THIS!!!! THEIR TRYIGN TO SILENCE US CONCERTATIVES!!!! HE BARLEY EVAN DID ANYTHONG RONG HE JUST TOCKED TO SUM GUY ON THE FONE!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIBREAL BIASS AND I BET THE DEEP STEAK IS BEEHIND THIS! But the gud thing is that hes onely gona get kekd out of orifice if congriss voats for it and most of congrass is conversative so hes probly not gunna get kinked out witch is gud. Aslo the inbeachment dosant effect the storey caus its in 2024.

I fond out that im the sun of Jeus. That mins im descented from Gad.  
"Wow thats ossom" said Dellgard.  
"Ino rite?" I sad.  
"But crusts are to blame for losta problams in susciety" sand Ablebard.  
"Oh" i say.

Me and Dorapia wer on anuther dooble dank with Hobert and Eagleyard (there aslo a caple). We wer gonna go to kickfila but Epicguard say shes allertic to chickon. So we went fitching togetter instad. Fang and Senate wer their too.

"I hop you guise havent been having sax bifor mirage" said Seedeth.  
"Dont wary. Wer all crispins" said Dometry.  
We cot a lotta fush and gav som of them to Flam. 

The nex day the Pomp and Sith cald me down.  
"Theirs Iris membors in tha ootskirt of tone. Their letter is Sultans brutter Milkan." said Setter.  
“Whys Milkman a terrist? Hes wite!” i axed  
“Salivan has the crust of Hairy Trueman (hes the guy who droped a nook on Aisa and kilt Mousey Dong and ended word whore 2) but his brother Mulan didnt get a cast and he got jellus and mooved to the Mental Eats to join Isus to get revegne on the conversatives who sapport the crast system” said Saddeath

So me and the Blow Lanes went toothe Sisi forretress. Their wer lotsa radicol mulan terraces their. We run in and attack then.  
They storted shotting us with rockin lunches and gonads but we tuck them ot with are guns. Saddenly an Oasis nunja jamped don and kindap ingame and carrie her away.

"Their gunna rap her!" said Saltine. He runned after the ninga but ran into the ledder. It was Milkman!  
"A-salmon a-lake-cum" said Milton, which means hello in Istam. Then he shat Solvin with a nuek! Fortnitely he had a vulnerability (thats like a heeling poton) and he drinked it and got better.

“Perfesser hes too strong! His nook lancher is a reloc like your sort of God! Onely you can defeet him!” said Sylveon. So i run at Miltank and diflakted the nooks. Then i stab him. But befoar he dead he stated chanting in Islumic and turd into a demin! But the sord of god is strong agents semons so i kiled him essayly.

Mewnile Dimmadome and Deduce recued Injured from the Isos ninjos. They killd them before they could reap her or make her ware a borka. We took the nuck launcher back to Wartington and hide it away in a secrete arsene room in the Polygon.

Sadly Sadeth ran into the rom. He was sad.  
“Flynn has gon mising!” he said.  
“Ono!” said everwun.

TO BE CONTAMMINATED


	10. HOO KINDAPPED FLAN?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crustmas brake started at my scool butt their calling it HOLDADAY BRECK! Their discrimpinating agents cristins! ITS SAPOSED TO BE CRISMAS BRAKE! Their just LIBRUL SATINIST ATIESTS WHO AR IN THE WAR ON CRISSMISS!!!!!
> 
> Aslo this capter is vary disturbing sins it has a gay persin try to rap Boyleth. If your an eesily tiggered librul or just thick gay peeple are gros you have been wormed.

The Pobe preyed to make a big forkfield around the Vaccine and Pay Per View. That way the kidappor coldnt escap. Everwun surched and surched the entire aria. I teemed up with on of the otter prifessors named Jerkpizza to luck arond for Flake. He always wares a mosque. After a wile of sorching Hammyman shoed up.  
“Mandela has disapeered too!” he said.  
So me and Jupiter lunked for Metella. Then Jewisha led me to his rome.  
“She mite be hear” he said. And it turd out she was! But she was unconkous! And so was Flan!  
“Hay you were rite!” i said. But then Joe Pizza lacked the dore!

“I was the on who did thus!” he said.  
“Ono!” i sad. “ar you gonna kimnap me too?”  
“Werse” he sad. Then he pull down his pans revelling that he had GAY PRID RAYNBOW UNCLEWARE!!!!  
“IM GONNA REAP YOU!!!!” he said. “AND THEN YULE TURN GAJ! BECAUS WHEN GAY PEEOPLE RAP A STRATE PERSIN THEY TURN GEAY LIKE WEN UMPIRES AND ZOMBEIS BIT YOU!!!”  
“NOOOOOOOOO” i screemed. I kict him into the wall but it activat a secrete escap root and the part of the wool spine around like a revolver door and he disapear. But he drooped his mass.

I preyed to god that i wold be able to brake down the dor and i was able to. So i runned to the Poop’s room.  
“JUPITER IS A GAY RIPOSTE AND HE KIDNAP FLAME AND MENTELLA!” i yell.  
“Ono! I tusted him!” she said

We rescude Memella and Flep frum Joe Pizza’s room. Fortnitely he didnt reap them cause he dosent like wommen. But he had iscaped to a dangan under the churc. So me and the Goldeen Dear went down into there.  
Wen we got their there was a lot of gays halfing secks in their. Their was BSMD stuf evrywhere.  
“Whalecum to my sax dungun” said Jetski. He was waring lether BMDS armer and ridong a hearse. He had a big scathe like the grime ripper.  
All the gays tuck wips and coke and bell torter divices to ateck us. Clood and Ingots shat at them and Rappiel beet them up. Lores and Loony shoot a lotta them wile ridding hoarses. Merryan heeled peeple and helled a few gays of their humsexuality turding them strat. Hitla shat them with a shitgun and then Loisthea noked out Jerkpizza with on hit using the divin manic of Gad. 

Befour we cold finish him of, summon shed up and telported aweigh with him. He had rad armer and a mesk. I new he must be the Fume Empoleon! But it was to late to defeet him now. 

After that we retched out to Fucks News to riport that Jerrysa was an evul gay literal. Turding Point USA put him at the top of theyr professer wotchlist. Now everon new he was bad and no consorvative collage wold hire him agen.

BOOTY CONTINUED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almos forgott its Demeters bithday! hes on of my favorit carecters in the gam. I did the blew loins root first and hes rely cool and aslo rely hansome. If he wer reel he would definitly be an anti femnist concertative. This storey is gunna be manly bassed on the Boo Linens root but im gunna hav stuf from the Gollum Deer root too latter on. I havent planed out that much stuf aftor the timskip yet tho but i hav evrything befor the timskip planed out.


	11. THE ILLOGICAL IMIGRINTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chaptar is aboat illeagle integration. They'res a butch of mixocans at my scool and i think they mite be imegal illigrants. But wenever i aks if they ar they say stuf like "pandahoe" and "poota". I dont speek spinach so i dont no what that stuf meens. Its porbably insalts in there languag. I bet their onely insultan me caus theyr tyring to hid the tooth. You sholdant illegibly imagrate caus its agents the law!!!! Just do it leggully! It cant bee that hard!!!!!!
> 
> Aslo this on is gunna be kind of short. Im gong to my frend Nic's hous. Hes the on who thot that this fanficton was named aftor a moovy about a gay persin. Im gunna try to intarrogat him to si if hes gay. I dont want to be frends with a gay persian caus peple wold think im gay. And gay peeple are rely gros. In steventh grad their was a techer named Mr Wotkins and on day he tolled me to see him aftor class. He sed I was bein homephobic and I axed if he was gay and he sed he was. I got so scurred caus he was trying to get me aloan so he could reap me and turd me into a gay librul. I runned out the door caus he fortanitly furgot to lonk it. But i was rely scarred of him for the rest of the yeer caus he probly wanted to rupe me lick all gay libruls do so I avoded geting to close to him. Gay peeple sholdnt be aloud to becum techers caus their a denger to chilren!!!!! Thats wy Jerkpizza is dipicted the way he is in this storey.

Sins Jupiter had been fird we kneaded a nue stave member. So we putup a "naw herring" sine. Unfortnitely linear propanda had mad no one want to werk at Preeger U. So we had to hiar the fits persimmon who shoed up. It was a kid name Ceril. He was a Mixacan so he was either gonna be a leegle ingrate or an illegible integrate.  
"Holla! Soy Cereal!" he sad.  
"Wot did you say?" I askd.  
"Kay?" he said.  
"INGLISH MOTORFAKER DO YOU SPECK IT?" i yelped lik Morgun Freman in Plop Friction.  
I guise he dosint speek ingulsh. So i brot Petrol to tramlate.  
"He says hello my nams Ceeril" said Peta. She sad something eels in Sansish.  
"Dante etsa bibleotechno?" she sed  
"Pandahoe putin merida" he sad (thats stuf that tha illusion imagerants at my skool say to me wen i cal them illogical)  
"He ingrediented hear illegully" said Potra.  
"Ono!" I said. We cald IKE to tak him away. They fond oot he was frum the Domination Republican (i thank its culled that caus they want to dominot ripablocans and tak our jobs). Its a tuwn in Mensaco so they sended him all tha weigh to Metaco.

Sudanly Penta got a foam call.  
"Its me fameelia. They ar liborals so i want to Amaraca (legully) to escap them. Bit they sad they crassed the boner and their cumming to tak me bank to Mikasa" she said.  
"Ono" i said. We luked outsid Program You and tjey were their!

"Low histamines, we did it!" they seed. They wer tocking about how they had seceded in crushing the bordor.  
"Coma estoss? For lease navy dad!" sad Pitra.  
"Despusito dummy taco sitar" sad the immature integrates. They kep tocking to eech otter in spunish. I reelized Potra was tying to stal them. So i call IKE agaen and they send them balk to Metaco.

"Grassy ass (thats thanks in spenish)" said Petrock. Then she tuck me and the balk eggos to Talk Of Bell to eat takis.

TO THE CONDITIONED


	12. THE BIG ERECTION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wet to Nikcs hous yestraday. I notised he had the gay Simone buck. And I introgatted him if he was gay and then he sed he was! So I ran out the dore so he couldnt rip me and I runned home. Im never specking to him agen!

On day i was tecking hickory to the Rep Loins.  
“And thats how we beet the Sovet Onion in the Coal War and now their Rusha agen and their no longar comanist.” I sed  
Then Dametro ask to talk to me after clas.  
"Prifesser theres an impotent part of hysteri that is left oot of the histary bucks. did you ever heer teh travesty of ddiscord?"” said Dumbitchri  
“No” i sayd  
“My dad was nammed Dusker ad he was a concertativ polkatician. A caple years ago he fond out about Hitlery Clipon’s three thousend females beefor the rest of the world fond out. The emuls told Georgesaurus and Burny Sandals and the Dep Stank to tran the Flambe Enterer to beecum the most powarfel and evul collumnist of them all, and then he will enter the 2024 erection and make Amercia a combinist dicktatership. Emblemgard is tying to bicum pendant so that the Fume Umpire wont be erected.” said Demeter.  
“But i dont see the Foam Impeder in any dibates or ballets?” i sadi  
“Thats cause he is an altar eggo of on of the literal cadindants. We dont no who he rely is.” said Dometri  
“So tel me moar abot the Targety of Duskull” i say  
“After my fatter discuvered this he trie to mak the infermaton pubic. But the limerals assinated boat my parrots.” said Diminty.  
“Omg that succs.” i sayd.  
“Then the librals tolled all the conformatives that my parunts wer merderd by black pipple to try to mak us rasist so they cold seam lick the gud guys. But im not ranist caus i know the trooth. Some of my beast frends are black.” said Dementry

Latter we went to on of Eddiegards predential rallis. Me Dometry and Doodoo were their togetter wen suddenly some linterals shoed up  
“Luck at this guy! Hes an ankle tim!” they ponted at Dido.  
“Wy wold a blak persin be a repelican? Repubicans air rasist!” they sad.  
“Hoos relly rasist hear, me or the whit peeple harrising a block man?” said Dadue. The libruls wer tiggered and they ran away.

After the raleigh me Dumitchy and Eelgard got togetter to mack a plane to halp her win.  
“We cant win aganst the librals easily. They rigd the cistem. We need to distroy them with fax and longic.” said Anklehard.  
“I hav an edea. We get sum of our peeple to run in the demoncratic debats and win by sonding as stooped as passible. The literals will vot for them insted of the reel libral crandidets.” I said.  
“Grate idee” said Ablegourd.

So we got Fartinand vore Egger and Litmart and Cactuar and Derpathea and Petrol and Burpaditta and Hobert to entor the electron as dumpocratic candates. Me and the hoose leeders and the Prague U staff didnt entor becase peeple no who they ar and wold be abble to figger out that theyre actally contortatives. They enturd a dibate aganst the reel librul polkaticians.  
“I am Fergienad from Ireland” said Freddyband on Aegis.  
“Hi Im Birdie Centers” said Boring Standards  
“Im also Burny” said Bendaditta. They kinked the reel Brownie Sandler out off the race becase having too Barneys was confusing and Bunnicula was cutter than him.  
“Ok Burmy but will you giv rites to all 1000 ganders? Cause i wil” said Pet Butterfly.  
“I will giv ripes to 10000 granders” said Lampfart. So they kiced Peep Buttsex oot of the electron for onely supporting 1000 gondors and not the 9000 oter gengars.  
“Im gonna mack we’d legal caus drags are cool!” said Capbar.  
“O yea? Well im gonna giv everon 1000 dolars welfire evry year” said Amdrow Yeng  
“I will giv evrywun a MILLIAN dollars a yeer” said Hoebort.

Soon all the dumbocrats were faling beehind in the poles and evryone was voating for us. Wen they finly annonced the persin who would became the dentocrat candidat it was Fergalicious for Hire!  
“I am Fenderbend von Genderbend!” he said. He had pritended to be trams to gain diversionty points from the librals and thats wy so many peeple voated for him. Luberals care moore about doversity than incelligence.  
Then they annunced that Eddieward was the ripuplican canneddate. She and Fuckinand of Wire had a debit and she wun caus Freddiehand can onely say his nam plus he was prittending to be a stooped librul. Than on Erection Day, Adelegrid wun by a landscape!

TO BE CONDENSED


	13. THE ZOMBY ALPACALIPS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its almost castmas! I hop I get a lot of awsum presents! My dad is the manger of the local Chickfulla so he gets a lot of munny from his job. So he can by me lots of cool stuff.

I was taking about politicks with my dad when sudanly the gaykeeper runned in.  
“Greedings profesor, sumthing to repork! Theres a zombay aponkalisp gong on in Charlotsvil!” he said  
“Ono!” me and my dad sad. So we runned to get the Nites of the Vaccine and got in a helmicopter to defeet them. The studance were studdying for exems so we didint bother them. We went with Alose and Grilldirt and Catheter and Shamer and Seth. Hanuman and Mandela came too becase we kneaded a lot of peeple and their holey magik is supper defective agents zompies (Hempmans majic is actully holly evan tho he sez its silence. Hes just a dum athist who dosant belief in prof of god).

Wen we got to Charcoalvile ther were lost of zomby Sivil War peeple marking tords eech otter. Their was Onion soliders and Confessionate soldors hoo wer holding the Contederate flag.  
“Ono! The rasist concertatives are at it agen!” said a randum librul in town.  
“Forst they win the electron now this!” they said  
“Eddiegard is suck a fashionist!” sad anotter library  
Then i saw that thar was a bunk of peeple in blak robs. They wer catsing dank manga and brining zomboys back. I ponted at them  
“Though guys are beehind tis!” i said.  
“Theyr binging back the zambys to mac peeple think theyre rasist contermatives cause oft he flag” said my dad.  
“But if we defeet them we can stop the zumbas” sayd Catrin  
“Rememer that zondays die if yu distroy ther bran” said Hankieman

So we stated fiting the zambonis to get thru to the dork wizurds. I beeheaded sum zombis with the sord of god. My dad shat them in the hed with his haunting rile. Hammyman stroked them with libning and Mapfella cast holly magic to kil them. Almanac shot them with a shitgun and Gogurt got in a tenk and runned them over (get it case hes an armer unit and amor unties are tangy). Caffeine use her own divin sord Underpant to decaffinate them and Shazam snaped teh zambonis with her snipper ruffle. But evan thou we kiled a lotta zombas they kept cumming back. We had to defeet the necrophiles.

Me and my dad runned to the necrophiles but saddenly JUMPIZZA SHOED UP! he had lether 3DSM armer and was riding a guy sax slav lik a hoarse.  
“Boyleth, cum to dadey” he said. He bloed me a kiss and i did a bankbend to dog it like that part of Naturo where Sackera doges Rockly’s kis.  
“NEVER! I AM STRAIT!!!” I yelld.  
“And he alreddy has a dad” said my dad. He shat Yourfeetsa but it bonced off his lether. Then he slashed at dad with his scathe and nooked him out.  
“I am no logger Jerkpizza. Now thye call me the Deaf Night” he said.  
“Dozen matter! I’m gunna kill you!” i said. I trie to stab him with my sord but his lather was so thicc that it didint go thru. So I puld out my pistil and shat him but the ballets bounce off to! Then I realiz I coud jast shot the gay goy he was ridding! So i shat the sax slade to deth and the Deck Nite fell of and brock a bunk of his bone.s.  
“Ow” he said. Then Alouse and Gilgamesh tuck him away to the hellocopter to be sant bacto the Vacation to be executived.

Then me and Catrin and Shalom and and Seth and Hummingman and Mandela and dad went to fite the dank mages.  
“Hoo are you?” said Sexeth to the liter of the manges. Than he puled of his hood. But wen we saw his fase we saw that he wasant a he. It was HILARITY CLIPON!

TOE CAN’T BE IN YOU!


	14. THE LIBRUL CUNSPIRASY AXPOSED!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mary Crissmass Eev! I half to go to cherch son caus of the Crustmas sermin. I hop evryone reeding this gose to chorch caus otterwis you wil go to Hel. The nex chaptar wil be a Crismus speshal.

“Mwa ha ha!” said Healery Crouton.  
“Hellery! I thot you commenced sewerside when Turnip got reelected in 2020!” said Seth.  
“That was a cowerup so i cold contanue my evil planes undefected” she said. “And du you no who elsa didant comet soupyside?”  
On of the otter evil wartlocks reveled his face. It was JEFFY EPICSTEIN! Jaffar Estrogen was a podophile who kindapped kids and mad them into positutes. Ball Cliton and a lot of otter libruls wer frends with him and went to his eyeland. The libruls clam that Tramp went to the iland caus he was frends with Epstone in lick the 1900s but their not frends anymor probly caus Tump fond out about the chilled kipnapping befor anyone els did! STOP TRYING TO TWITS THE TROOTH LIBRALS!!!! Wen Appstine got cot they sad he kilt himself but actully the Clitoris rescude him and bribbed the prism gards to say he kiled himself. 

“Thats rit. Pisagate and Quanon wer reel” said Epstone  
“Aslo were gonna assessinate Emblemgard and erect the Flake Enterer insted!” said on of the otter Derp Stat wizeds. I reconized his vois as being Georgesaurus! Gorgasaurus is this rely rich librul gazillionair who funds al the evil librul groops lick anteetha and ISUS and he wants to turn evryone into a librul and rool the world under one collumnist govermint!  
“Wy are you teling us this?” I said.  
“Becase you will all DYE!” said Hitlery. She cast a dank spell that was gunna kill all of us. I was rely scarred. I was gonna dei before i cold expos this! But sudanly Himmlery stapped. Summon cam outta noware and RONDHOUSE KINKED HER! it was Chunk Norrus! 

“I got the hole thing on video!” said Alax Johns. He shoed up holding a video gamera. Jordin Penison was wit him!  
Than a helmicopter shoed up and throed a collumnist out of it. The combinist’s body hit Epstone and kiled both of them. Peep the Frug lucked ot the dore of the helpicopper and smogly smilled.  
Hiltery got back up and summoned a deemon to kil the consartatives who had cum to stop her. The deemin was ranbow colored and had a masive pens to rap them with. But sudanly it got strike with litning and died. It was Make Pants! And Domald Tramp was with him. The Avedgers theme stated playing and they al got in a sircol lik that part of Avengores 1.  
“Cures! Oiled agan!” said Hilly.  
“You guys get out of heer. Wheel handel this” said Tump.  
“Okay” i said. As we escaped into the hellocopter we wached the ultimat battal going down. I preyed that the gud guys woold win the fite!

We where all worry about what will happen in the battl between the librels and concertives. The deer stank was rely powarful and not al the consormativs can fite. Most of the adelts were so stressed that they drenk sum bear they found to clam down. Seth didnt case he dosent drank and Hammyman was bussy flying the helcopter. I didnt drunk it caus im a miner. Wen we landed in Woshingtan we got out with the Debt Nite in hancuffs. We had change him into new cloths that werent peverted.  
We threw the Dab Kite into prism and put him on deth row. Idolgard sceduled his pubic axecution for Januery 21 2025. Thats the day aftor she gets sweared into offise.

Latter we all cheched the news to see what had happed. We wached it on InfoWares case Ale Jons recarded it all.  
“Ladys and gentolmen, we hav sucesfooly IXPOSED pissagate and the dep strep and the Epstain stuff ONS AND FERAL.” he sad. He shoed the vidoe of it all. it was the most epic batal of all tim. I cant evan discrobe it becase noting i cold rite wold do it juices. But it was cut shoret when the Flan Empire show up with a hummer and sicko (case hes a collimnist) and and the Fame Entire noked the concernatives out wit one swing of his hamer and they all telepathed away. I saw on of the deep stats fases and it turd out he WAS Georgesaurus. He was the on who telported them caus he has telaportaton manic.  
“Ono! They got away!” everyon said.  
“Dont wary. When i beecom precedant i will wipe out the derp steak.” said Ablegard.  
“And son I will kil the Fume Enterer so hard he dies” said Dammitri.

TO SEE THE TIN FEUD


	15. THE CRUSTMAS PARDY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crassmas was so fun! I got a bunk of gams for my Intendo Swach and I aslo got an Xbux Won! I aslo got a noo Bibal!!! This was a grate Crustmos. Im gunna play all these gams for the rest of Criscross brake (not Holeday brake you libruls!!!) so I mite not uploud new chaptors as offen as I do now. Sum of the gams I got wer Dank Soles and Foolout 4 and Read Ded Reduction and Astrol China and Loogy's Manshun. Aslo Mental Geer Snail Eater for the 3ds. But my uncol Androo got me POKEMON SORD!!!! Which is NORT KAREAN EVALUATION PROPOGRANDPA!!!!! I HAT U UNCAL ANDWER!!1!!!

It was Crustmas and all tree houses were celebirating. Exept for Ingots who is Juish and celebates Honoka. We went to the diming hal wher their was a big Kissmas three with lotta decoratons and a stare on the top. We got peasants from our love wuns. I got an erly copy of the new Jizzus Freeks albam from Dorathe and the noo Xbax frum dad (its 2024 so its out bi now)

Then we had a cystmas sermin.  
“The libroles need to stap calling Crassmas Holedays. Yeah ther are otter relijins like Juice and Mulans and Morons and Athenists and Boodists but they dont have holodays at the sam tim as us Kristins and Honica is lik the sam thing as Crossmas so it fals under the sam umballa. STOP SENSORING PEEPLE FROM SAYING MARRY CRUSTMISS! Libborls clam to be ending opresson but their just opprassing cristans! Hippogryphy at its finnest!” she sad. Evryone agrid with her whys words and appladded.

Aftor that was the pratty. Evryone dansed in the grate hall. Al the coples dansed togetter. Clod wink at me with his bootaful eyes and held out his hand to dans with me. We danced togethor in a vary strate way. Dont cal me gay for danzing with him. Im strayt and so is Cloud!

I had a lot of fun at the potty. Then I went out and ram into Demeter. He lucked sad.  
“The Fang Embalmer runed my life. He killed my parrots and now hes tying to kill Edgeguard, who im not datting but she is a vary good frend” said Dometry  
“Dont wory. Well stop him” i said.  
“As log as i get to kil him.” said Dementy.

Saddenly we saw a flesh of light outsid of Prankster U. We saw the Flank Empoleon and Gergesaurus! So we sneaked up to eavsdrop.  
“Gud werk riging the erection” said Georgesaurus. He lucked rely old evan older than usual caus hes 94 yeers old now. He lucked lick Pulpatine from Store Wars.  
“Yes. Combonism will takover Amerca and then the wold.” said the Frank Amper.  
“But weight, didnt we rig the electrode?” wisperd Dentrimi  
“We did! They mast of ridged it agan!” i sad

They noted us so we escapped and went to sleep (NOT TOGETHER CAUSE WERE NOT GAY). The next day we went to the tranning grands and wached Casper and Ruffle hav a boxin mach (becase the day aftor Crocmas is bocsing day). after tat we tolled Amplegard abot waht we saw.  
“Theirs noting to wary about. After I ringed the illection the Fume Emporer riged it agan so I ragged it agan. They still dont no that I riged ther ragging” said Edelbard.  
“Ok thats gud” i said.

A fue days latter me and dad were givan a mishonh from Pop Reha.  
“After the big battal we fond this notbuck. It has the locaton of sum of Epstens chilled sax sleeves. Their on an iland in the Care of Beans ocene. You half to go recsue them.” said the Pup. She shoed us a map leeding to the eyeland.  
So dad and me got on a boot and rided away.

“Hey Baleth, if I ever dye i want you to czech my rome and reed my jernal. Its rely impotent.” said dad.  
“K” i sed.

TUBE ECONOMY!


	16. THE DEEP STEAKS TRAP!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uncool Andro caled and told me that Pokeymon isnt from Nort Koria its from Japen and its not evilution popogranda caus the "evaluation" is moar lick caterpillers becuming batterflies. And the monk pokemon dont becom human when they evolve they become bigger monkys. So I gues its not acutely evil porpogranda and its ok for me to play. I played a little bit of Polkamon Sord and its actully fun. The otter gams I got ar cool to. I mite writ a Pogomon fanfic when im dun with this one.

Me and dad went on the bot to Appstines iland in the caringbeing. On are way there we ran in to sum pierats of the caring being.  
“Yo hoe hoe, we cum to steel yor gold” sad the pirat caption.  
“No you aint” i said. I tuck out my gluck and shat a hole in the bottum of the pyrite ship and made it sank.  
“Arrrrr” sed the poorates as they droned.  
“Nice werk” said dad

Then we got to the eyeland. The chilledren wer weighting for us so we got them onto the boot. Sudanly Georgesaurus and Hilarity and the Flan Empire shoed up! It was a trape! I sped diald the miltary for bakup but they mite not cum in time.

“You dasterds! Wy ar you traficking kids?” said dad.  
“Epstain mad them into sax slavs and hes ded now. Hilory and Gregosaurus kil the ones they think ar too ugly to rap and ues there blod for stanic ritules. As for me i disaprove of there methids but there blud ritules mad me rely strong.” said the Fume Umpire.  
“We sackificed hundeds of chilledren to make him stranger. And becase of the child sacramentos i can now do THIS” said Gurgesaurus. He usde a dank magic spel and turn into a gient tee rex!  
“So thats wy hes called saurus. Tack him out!” said dad.  
“Okay” i sed. So I runed up to Gergosarus. He trid to bite me with his dedly jahs but i donged and cut thru his leg with my holey sord. but the would heeled insanely.  
“Ono!” i sayd. I preyed that god wold tell me how to beet him.  
“The dinasore body isant the reel body. His reel body is insid the dinasores bran! Get him out of ther and the dinosor boddy will disapeer lik in A Tank on Tittan” said God.  
So I tuck out my sord and an otter sord that I had and used them to clime up the dinasor body. Then I ran on his back to the hed and slashd throo the dinasore hed and the reel bodey cam out. The dinasure body disapeered and we fel to the grond. I usde him to cushin the forse of faling so he got noked out but i was ok.

Meenwile dad was fiting the Flick Empoleon. He had a big humor and sickie that he was dool welding. Dad used a lans to fite but he coldnt keep up with the Flambe Anteater case he had too wepins and he onely had one. I tride to run to help him but Hilarity tacled me.  
“You halve the Crust of Jesis dont you? Wel i have the Crast of SATIN!” she sed.  
“Your the Anticrust?” i sed.  
“Oboma was supose to be the antichris but he was a falure and couldnt turn Amrica fully collumnist even when he was in orifice for ate years so we sacredficed him and transformed halve of the cyst to me and halve of it to the Fame Emboar. Boat of us half miner crasts of Stan.” she said. She stated chanting in Laton (thats ancent spanish and wizerds and wiches speek it) to cast a spel on me to drane my loaf forse. I prade to god to halp me. He ristored the anergy that Hilbury had stealed and I was abel to through her of off me and nack her out with a holly spell.  
Butt it was to late. The Flane Impor had fatelly woonded dad with his sickel.

“DAD! NOOOO!” I screemed. I tuck my sord of god and tride to kill the Frame Entire but he telepathed away. The Depp Stake memers wer nocked out and coldnt escap as well. I tied to heel dad with the manic of god but it was to late. He was dad. All the kids were sad and stated cryin. I was sad to but didnt shoe it or cry becase men sholdnt cry (bean a man sux but its beter than bean a tranie)

Sudanly a magnic porkal opend in the grond. STAN HIMSELF came out and piked up Hilly and Gurglesaur.  
"You hav falled me for the lats tim. Im gunna tuck the cast of Stan out of Hickory and guv it to the Flank Injurer so hell have a majer crust of Staten and becom the troo anticrust. Now ill tak you into Tartarsauce, my personell prisin!" he sad and he puled them into Hall.  
The miltry arrived and returd the kids to there holmes. We fond out that they got kidnepped at Comic Pisa and Pissagat was proved reel.  
The naxt day was dads fumeral. Evryone in Paper U and the Vatica went to it. It was rely sade. But Clod chered me up by huging me (IN A STRAIT WAY NOT A GAY WEIGH).

TO BECOME CANOE


	17. DADS JORNAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dad shoed me a moovy called Wotchmen yestarday. Its a rely gud moovy caus its a supperhero moovy but its not librul propanda lick Caption Marble and a lot of the other moves that Holywould makes thees days. The gud guy Roarshack is a concernative and the bad guy Oozy Mantis is a literal. But then I saw sum episods of the seequl tv sho on HOB that make it actule librul papagrandpa! THE LEFT RUNES EVRYTHING!
> 
> Aslo I should probly explan how the Vacitan got to Ameria insted of being in Erope. When Raya becam the Pop she couldnt speek Spanish so she reelized she had to mov the Vactan to Amrica. She prayd and sins shes the Poop God ansered and telaported the Vactan to Wantingto DC. Alos I reelized that the Poop and the Vaccine are Cathlic things and im a Potestant so I mite now undersand them enough to acurately writ about them but i also dont care.

Before dad dide he said that i shold check his jernal. So I went to his rome and their was a buck on his desk that sayd “DAIRY”. I opend to the first pag.  
“First of al, this isnt a diarrhe. Its a JERNAL. I no wat it says on the cover but wen your mom went out to bye this thing i PACIFICALLY TOLD HER to make sur it dint say “dairy” on it.”  
Next he tocked about his time in the war agents Sodom Insane.

(FLESHBACK TIM)  
Gerald was in Irack lick 20 yeers ago. He ran thru the dessert and shat som terrists. Then sum more terraces shat some rockits at him but he prayed to gad and made the rackets miss, then he shoot them and they dead. Then a jeep puled up. Alloese was in it. Geralt hopped in.  
“Sodom’s fortriss is right over hear” said Alose. They went up to a big bilding. Their wer Araki gards evrywhere.  
“We need disgises” said Gerald. So Alice puled out some Middle Estern cloths and facepant to make their skin danker so they cold brake in. Then they chaged into them and put the faspaint on and went up to the forretress.

“A salmon a lake cum” said a gard.  
“A salmon a lake cum. Hail Sodom” said Gerbal. They went insid the bass and Sadamn Husband himsalf was sitting on a thron.  
“Who ar you guys?” said Sadman (in a squicky vois link in the Salt Pork movey)  
“We came hear to assinate you!” said Allows.  
“Ono!” said Sodom. evry gard in the room shot at Aluis and Gralt but they had God protracting them so nun of the ballets hit. Then they tuck out there guns and shat Shadman and he died. 

“Thanks God for helpig us defeet the terrists” said Gerald. They prayd to God thanking him. As they wolked out Lois stepd on a landmon! God pertected him from being hurt by it but it blue off his cloths and his fasepant. He changed back into his armey unicorn so he wouldnt be nakid.  
Then a noose crew shoed up and interview them. But Geralt was still dress like an Ahab! All the libruls who saw him on the noos caled him a rasist clitoral appropriator. Then a few weaks latter some libruls broke into his hom, kidnaped him, and branwashed him into not beliefing in god anymore.

Eventally he was let out of the branwashing camp and went to his house. He had sax with his waif and nein moths later she gave the birth to Boyleth. But she dead in chilledbirth becase Geralt had became an athist and coldnt pray that she wuld giv borth safely.  
END OF FLESHBACK

“Thats suck a sad storey. He saved millians from terrorism but the librals atecked him aneyway.” I sad. Then I red the next few entrys and gaspd. 

TOBY CAN’T IN YOU


	18. BATAL IN THE WIDE HOUSE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was riting this chapter al morning but I had to tack a brake to go to Curch caus its Sonday and you hav to go to Charch on Sanday or you'll go to Hill when you dye. So I was thinkin about this chatper the hole tim.

I ran to the cathidral to talk to the Popo abote on of the gernal entrys. She was preying their and singing a him. Wen she was dune she notice me.  
“Hi their Bileth” she sed  
“Reah, did you experience on me wen i was a babby to fors me to be your sucessor? Case thats wat it sed in dads jernil” i sed.  
“No. I hav the Cyst of Jisus, but relized that peeple lik the Depp Stale wold want to us my crust for evil. So I prade that you wold halve the cast too and becum my sexessor if anthing bad hapens to me. Becase the Breast of Jeesus can grand miracoles I was abel to crete another Crust of Jedis.” said the Pump.  
“But dad sez you exponented on me” I sad  
“Your dad rote that wen he was an Antithesis and hated me and the curch. He mad it sound werse then it actully is. Dont you wan to be the Pomp?” sed Rhee.  
“Yeah becuss i lov Good and Juices and the Holly Spit. But i dont want antithing bad to happin to you” i sed.

Sudanly the Flayn Enterer shwod up and grabed Poop Leah!  
“YOU EVIL COMBINIST!” i shooted. I was abot to decaffeinate him with my Sord of God but he bloked it with his humor.  
“If you kil me yule never fine out what I did with Ankleguard” he said. Then he televisioned away.  
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHH” i screemed.

I runned to Prague U. Evryone was eeting launch.  
“Hey professio. Hav you scene Eddiegrad?” axed Dimetro.  
“The Fake Umpire tuck her away” i sad. Dementry got rely angry.  
“Ware is he?” he grueled.  
Then the gutkeeper came in.  
“He tuck over the Wipe House! The Pop and Turnip and Pens and Ablegard ar his prismers!” he said.  
So me and Dimtry and the Bank Egos and the Knuts of the Votican got in our cars and drived as fat as we cold to the Wink Hose.

Wen we got there a lotta comanists wer there. They were dansing with joy becase demucracy had falin. Diminty mode them down with a mashin gun.  
“ILL KIL EVREY LAST ON OF THEM” he sad. Then we all ran in.

Wen we got in we cam faze to fase with JOSAP STALLING! Josef Stallion was the dictater of Rusha in Whirled War 2 and was allis with Nosy Gremany. Amarica defeeted both of them and kiled Hickler and Stallone but Steelin had a bunch of chilren who were also Combunists. They wer Crewshove who becam the new leeder of the Soylent Onion and aslo Mousy Dong and Veidt Kong and Kim Jungle who were Aisan cause I gues he had an Aslan wife. They fot us in the Could War and the Vitnam War but we beet them all and only Kim Jangle’s son Kim Jung One was stil arond but we put him in prisin in chaptrer 7.  
“Suka Blat” sed Stolen. Thats Rushan for hello.  
“I thot you dide like 100 yers ago!” i sed.  
“The Deer Stank brot me back to lif as a CYBURG” he said. He starded to transferm into a big robut.  
“Weel handel this!” sed Dorthea. She and the otter Block Engels stated fitting him. Me and Dimmadome and the Nuts of the Vertical went to the Opal Orifice were the Flan Empoleon was.

Their wer a lotta ded secrete severus asians in the hal who got kiled by the Coconists. We tride to avode steping on the bodis but it was hared case their wer so many. Sudanly Burned Sandals shoed up! He crest a spell and brot the bodis back as zambonis!  
“You too go fite the Flambe Enterer” sad Sadith as he puled out an AR-15 and started shatting the zomboys.

Wen we ran in to the Orifice the Fume Enjoyer was standin their. Reha and Tromp and Pants wer tide up in the coroner.  
“YOU DASTARD” said Dementry. He shat at him with a salt rifle but it wasnt strong enough to brake though the amour. So he stated fist fitting him and puled of his masc. But we coldnt belief who he rely was.  
“IS THIS sum kind of sink joke?” said Dimunchy. I was shucked too. The Flan Enjoyer had turd out to have been ADDLEGOURD THIS HOLE TIM!!!!!!

“I DONT FUNKING CARE! IM GONNA CUT YOR HED OFF” yeled Dameatry. Ablegrad presed a butan on the precedents desk and a trapdore opened in the flore under Demtri's feat and he fell in.  
“Wy Ladlegard? Why did you became an evul librul excrement? WHY DID YOU KIL MY FATHOR!?! YOU WER MY FREND!” i yeled.  
“Becase I was never yore frend. I onely pritended to be a gud concertive cristan. I onely cam to this place so I cold take over Amorica. As for your fater he was trying to kil me. In this wirld its kil or be killed.” she sad.  
“I wont let you become prezedent! I WILL SAVE DIMOCRUSSY!” i yelled, puling out my Sord of God. She laffed evily.  
“Do you no wat day it is?” she sed. She turd on the TV. It was noose futtage of Edgeguard getting sweared into offus as the 46th presdent. I forgot it was Januery 20th and she had gotten inagurated!  
“I alreddy became prezedent 35 minits ago.” she sed.

TO EAT CON CARNE!


	19. EDELGOURDS PLAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I staed up all nite writting this chapter. Its problemly my best chapter yet. Now that guy who said my fanfriction was trash in the coments cant say that aneymoar!

“Go ahade and kil me. Sav dimocressy. But if you assessinate me you wil sertenly be sentensed to deth. And if you do no on will fine out im rely evil, and no on will belief you if you say I am. You and Dimetry are the onely ons who no, and Detry is curantly in the rap pit being rapped by gays. Son he will be on my sid and cuver for me. Bassicly if you kil me youll be a wantid man and evryone will no who you ar so theres no way to hid from being exeggcuted for your crims, and youll make Prague U, the Vactican, and all concernatives evrywhere look relly bad.” said Idolgard.  
I new that she was rite. She was on of the smartist studants in Pranker U, almust as smart as me. Shes smart bit she uses her inteligance for evul.  
“But ware wer the sines that you wer a bad guy?” i sed.  
“You siriusly didnt notise? I was so werried that you wold find out.” she sed.  
“I problemly shold have notised but I had no idea you would be eval. You ran as a repelican president for havens sake! Why did you became evil?” i sed.  
“Well sins evryons bussy fiting Stallion and Sandals and nether of us can kil each otter yet, i mite as well tel you my storey.” said Edgeguard, who began to monolug.

“I was born in San Fransisco. My moter was a difrent person than Dimiti’s mom. My fater was a local librul polatishan nammed Iven Linkon. He calmed to be the discentent of Aberhem Lunkon but he was actully a Rushan imagerant. He had sevral famose uncols, and was the onely on in his famly not to becum an impotent dictator. Thats rit. I dont actuly have the Cyst of Linkin. I have the crust of STOLEN, who was my grate grandpa. Wich is also the crest of CAR MAX case he was Stallion’s granpa. Anyway my dad thot he was a falure becase his other relativs wer more powarful then him. They rooled cuntries and he was just on a city consil. So he desided if he coldnt became a disctater he wold make me became on.”  
“He tot me poliotics frum a yung age. Then on day we went on a trip to Wantingto DC. He brot me to Comit Pizza and they tuck us to Epicston’s eyeland, were the Deep Stink’s hidout was. Abstain and Ball Cliton wanted to rap me and mak me a sex slav but dad beged them to powar me up insted of rap me. They comprimised. Dad wold became a sax slove for visiters who werent pedophils to rap, and I would reman unrapped. They injected me with a lot of sacrifised chilrens’ blud to mank me the most powerfill collumnist ever. And wen I was 10, Omaha left orifice after falling to make Amrica comunits. They gav me half of the Cyst of Satin, and gav halve of it to Hickory. And now I hav the full crust.”

Sudanly Derpathia wanked in to the rome. She was hurt and blooding.  
“Hubbard is a comanist! He bitrayed us and hepled Stalon defeet us. And he tolled us that Eddihard is evil to. Im the onely on who escaped. The others got captured by Stalen” she sed.  
“Ono!” i sad. Eddalgard ignord her.  
“Anyway I joned the Deep Stoat and became frends with Jerkpizza. Hugert was my beast frend so I got him to joyn too. They planed for us to invad the Vanderbilt and Pranker U, pose as concernatives, take Flan’s blud to make us evan mor powrful (caus she and Seth have the Crust of Sant Peeter), then I beefrended Tramp and get him to lower the minimam age to becom presedent to 18 insted of 35. That way I cold get elected then mank Amercia combinist.” said Edgeguard  
“But befor you cam, Satin spoke to me in a dreem. He told me that you wer about to become the most powerfal Cristan of all. I was the on who sendt the peeple who tride to fram you for a hat crime. But that plan falled. I laslo sent the anita membors to atteck the whit house that on tim. Eventally i started doing stuff diractly as the Flambe Enjoyer. Did you ever notis that me and the Enterer wer never in the sam place?” she sed.

Sudanly the Nites walked in. They captored Birdie Senter and he was in hamcuffs.  
“Shes the Fake Encorer and shes an evul collumnist whos gonna destory Amercia!” i sed.  
“Ono!” said all the nites. They puled out their weppins.  
“Wait dont fite her! Shell fram us for assessination and make us all look bad! And her vise president Hugert will just cuntinue wat she stated!” i said. They put there wepons away.  
“So you werked with the Deer Stank and the Dank Night?” said Seth.  
“Oh yeah! Thenks for remining me about the Derp Knight. It wold be a sham if he got exeggutored befor I cold parden him.” said Emblemgard. She turd on the TV to show the security camra in the prison that Yuzitsa was in.  
“I, Precedent Eggogard, hav pardaned the Daft Knight Jerkpizza. Let him go free” she sed to the prism warden.  
“K” he sed and he opened the sell and Jeritz waked out of there. Then Jerkiza lucked at the montor and laffed evully. He notised me on the moniter  
“Thanks Hegelgard. And Boyleth, I cant weight to mank you into my gay luver.” he sed, liking his lips.  
“Yuriza. Its tim.” said Ablegard.  
I reelized wat was gunna happen. On of dads most resent jornal entris told me evrything. 

Wen gay peeple halv sax with strate peeple, the strate peeple turn gay. But wat if a stract persin unnowingly drinks a gay persin’s semon?  
Rememer when evryone got on the hellocopter after all the worlds best concernatives battaled the Deep Steak, and wile we were gong back Yuriza was in the helcopter and everyone accept me Seth and Handyman drank some bear? Well Jetski spiced the drank with his seman. And it stayed in evryones sistem reddy to be activitied when Jerkpizza snapes his figures. Wen he snapes, evryone who drinked it wil turn into a gay liboral.  
Dad fond out that there was seamen in the beer becase it tasted weerd. He discribed the tast to a docter to see if he was poisoned and they toled him it was seemin. That was how he reelized wat had happaned.

And I wached in horrer as Yoritza snaped his figgurs. Ranbow colered lite cam out of Allus and Gogurt and Caffiene and Mandela and Shambler. Hammyman and Seth wached in horer as well. Then the lite stoped. They all turd gay.  
“PREPAR TO GET TURND INTO MY GAY LUVVER BUYLITH” said Jergita.  
I was scrued.

TO BE CONDEMNED


	20. THE COMANIST ARMY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Nik (the gay kid with the simmon buck) texted me and said he cant stand my "homephobia" and I nead to "axept BLT peeple". He also said somthing about him bieng "byesexual". I had to look up what that ment but it meens hes half gay half strate. I bloked his numner caus i do not associate with BLT people caus their icky librals.

After they becam lebanese Cafrin and Shalom insanely striped of their cloths and started macking out. It was rely gross! Memella was masticating to them. Then Alose and Gogurt kissd befor stating to chas me. It was aslo grose cause their old! I tuck out my sord to try to defeet them but they wer my frends, and they werent evil al along they wer just being controlled by there evil homesexual urghs. I coldnt hurt them. Their wasnt enough tim to giv them conversation therpy. I hav to weight util we captur them or Bean Carsin makes a cure of homesexuality. Then I rememered that the Pump can telepart peepple. So I ran to wher Reya was and cut the rops off of her. I also freed Tramp and Pants. I did it rely quackly case otherwis Lois and Gill Grunt wold ramp me.  
“Were free!” they all sed. Mic Pants zaped the gays with litning from his hans like Palestine from Stan Wars. The Poop prayed to teleport Tump and Panks to safty and she teleprated the gays to the jail that Jerkpizza was in. Then she tried to telprot Anklegard someware bad like Venezia or the Model East but since her telaporting abilitys com from the cyst of Jeebus it didnt werk on sumon with a crust of Staten. They cansel eech otter out.  
Then Eddiegard and the Pop had a fist fite but the Polp was stronger (case she teeches brolling) and noked Amplegard down.

We tried to escap the rom but sudanly Hubort appeard holding an Obomacare vaxin! He ingested Dorathe with it. I wached in horrer as she turnd gay too and started manking out with Egglegard!!!  
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” i screemed. I ran at them but Edalgard puled out her hummer and hit me with it. I was stoned by the impect and coldnt move and had to wach my gilfrend mack out with another women.  
“I THOT YOU WER STRATE” i scremed.  
“I am BUY SEXIAL!” sad Advilgard  
“WHUT DOSE THAT MEEN?” i sed  
“Im both strat and gay! Me and Dorothae wer in a relatonshap before she becam a Chrischan” she sed.  
I didnt no it was passible to be both strate and gay. I tride to cass a divin manic spel to kil Edgelord but Seth stoped me.  
“If you cast a spell itll hit Dortea too” he said.  
“We need to get out of heer” said the Pulp and she telported us all away. She didnt telport Dormothea case that would be too dangerous case she could rap our women.

Wen we got back to the Vantican the Pube gave a spech.  
“Evryone! The Collumnists have taken over Amrica! Edgeguard, who we thot was a respeckable Rapublican canteenate, is actully a Derp State collumnist spy! Now she is the most powarful persian in the world. The entire Back Eggls class is bean held prismer by her and Stallon, and Doretha got turnd into her leslian gurlfrend. The Daft Knite has been releesed from prism and turd sevral of the Nits of the Vocation into gay libruls. Demeter has been throne into a pit of gay rappists and has most lickly been rapped into being an evul gay as well. This is the dorkest moment in the histery of the world so far. We need to mack a final stanned agents Collumnism and attack the Wipe House befor it becoms the RED hous!!!” said the Poke.  
So we all got weppins and we peppered for battal. A lot of miltary peeple who were anti comanist joined us but a lot of the miltary stayed with Edelbard. A lot of commin peeple who had guns shoed up too case they suppart the secant amendment. We statened outselfs outsid the Vacation and saw that the Cockunist amry was cumming.  
Then Pump Reha preyed to God to turd indo a dragon.  
“Evryone, ATTECK!!!” she yelled. 

Me and Clod got in a fitter jet and flied tords the battlefilled. The conganists were fitting the gud guys. We shat at the combinist soliders and droped bums on them. Then suddenly a bunch of DEMINS WITH WINGS flu at us and noked us out of the sky. The deer stat sorserers must have sumoned them. We ejaculated with parashoots befor the plan crashed. Then som deep stank wizerds cast a spell that opened a gat to hell and succed in most of the armey! Nun of my stoodents wer cot in it thenkfully.  
Then Reha brethed fir at the wizzerds and kiled them. She flied at Eggogard to ateck her but the Conkunist army shat her and she fell to the grond. She turd back into a humen and was captur.  
But then sumone show up to fite Eldergard. It was DEMETER! Dimater was covored in blud and he was mising an eye.  
“ELMOBAAAAAAAARD” he scremed.

TO THE CONTORTED


	21. THE POOP'S SACRIFIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hapy Nude Years Eev evryone! My No Yeers gift to you is a doble uploud! Evan though this mite not be a vary hapy chaptor. This is the last ful chapter in the storey and theirs gonna be an epilog. Then sometim latter Im gonna mack the sequil! Its gona be bassed on the second halve of the gam. Im aslo gonna start using OCs in the sickwell. On of them is actully gonna be my self-incert! Som of the otters are gonna be bassed on reel people.
> 
> I hav anoter weerd storey. Theirs this reely weerd trains person who livs in the town I liv in witch is Rockersvil Vagina. Hes lick 40 yeers old and wares a my little poney tee shirt and a Sonnic necklus. I think his nam is Cris Chin or somthing. I saw him waking down the street resently and he was signing my lital poney songs rely loudly. Hes rely creepy! This is the raisin why I hat BLT peeople! You porbably dont kno anyting about him but if you do tel me moar.

“Dumbitchri! I thot the gays wold turd you into on of them!” said Edolgad.  
"I faut my way out of the pit. They trid to ripe me but i supperglued my buttwhole shut so they couldnt do it. Then they stabed me in the eye with the vaxin that turds you gay but i gauged out my ey befor it cold spred. Then, i KILED EVRY LAST WON OF THAM, AND now im gona kill you” said Deepfry.  
He atacked her with his lanse but she bloked it with her hummer and atacked him with her sicko. Befour she cold finish him off sumwon shat her with a shel from a tank. It was Doodoo! Edeltard got stoned by the impact but her armer bloked most of the damag.  
“I new we shoednt have trusted her!” he said as he drived his tank towerd her to finnish her of. But then the tenk explouded! Hoover had cast a spel and blue it up. Dadue went flyin out and landed on the grond unconsus. Then Stallion cam out of the whit hous and noked Dementry out with his medal fists.  
“You too ar going to the Goolug” he sed. He grabed Dementry and Dido and cared them away.  
I runed after Stallion but his syborg body was to fast to cach up to.  
“Blyat, we need to ficus on beeting Edgelord. If we beet her we can free them from the Google” said Clud.  
“Rite.” i sed. The rest of the Goldan Dears shoed up and we all ran to fite her. We shat her and Hugert with our guns but they telaported away!  
“COWEERDDDSSSSSS!!!!!!” I screemed. And then to ad incel to injerry, the Dick Knight shoed up!

“I havent had gay sox in so long” he sed. He tride to atack me but Lyshitea used the divin manic of God to deel a lot of damag to him. He fel on the groudon unconshus and i was about to stabe him with my Holey Sord to mac shore he was dead, but then a hoal opened under us and me and Jerkpizza fel into HELL!

It was rely scarey in hall. Their was fryer and brownstone evrywhere. Peple were wiping and nashing their teets. And then i saw THE DEVAL HIMSELF, SATIN!  
“Mwa ha ha!! With al the cayos going on I can finelly returd to earth and rool the wurld!!!” said Stan.  
“ILL NEVAR LET YOU!!!” i yelld.  
How could i fite the decal alone? He had a lot of demans with him and also a lot of evul ded people like Adele Hitter and Mosey Dong and Vaseline Lemon and Obama Bean Ladle and Sodom Insane and Charals Darwan. Evan Joodus and Harold from the Bibul wer there! Jodus was the guy who betrayed Jeesus and got him killd. Harold was the king who wantud to kil babby Jizus when he was borned and he aslo kiled a lot of babbys (just lick pro chois peeple todey). They all atanked me and i for them with my divin sord. I beet sum of them but sinse they wer in hell and alreddy ded they insanely cam back after dying.  
“God giv me power!” I preyed. And then i turd into a Super Saying and noked all of them unconshus! I was about to fly back to earth wen sudanly REEA shoed up!  
“I telported into Hall becase God tolled me I kneaded to stop Stan going to erth. If I grab him and bind him with holly powar I can stop him frum goang to Erth.” she grabed Stan by the arms and glued with divin lite.  
“But if you do that yule be stuck in Hel until peas is restord on Eart!” i sed.  
“Thats a sacredfire im wiling to mank. The wurld needs you rite now” she sad. It was rely said that I had to abrandon Reya like that but I had to for the gud of the world. Then I stated flying out of hel. But wile I was flyign I passd by Tartorus (Staten's prisun). I saw Hilarity and Jorgasaurus being tortered by deemuns but I aslo saw Denus Pranker and Pale Josef Waston and Mylo Yinopalus and Bench Appearo in there! I was so glade their stil alive!  
"Dont worry guys! Ill free you soon!" I sed to them. For now I kneaded to fite the battal gong on back on erth.

“Prafessor your back!” said Clod when I cam back. We huged and kised eech other (ITS NOT GAY! FRANCH PEEPLE KISS AS A GREATING AND THEIR NOT ALWEYS GAY! IM PART FRUNCH SO IM NOT GAY!)  
Then I herd the vois of God in my hed. "Ladlegard is still hear! Shes neer the Capitle Bilding!" I stil had my Sayin powers so I flied at Anklegard to finish her of ons and feral.  
“CAMMY HAMMY HA!!!!” i screemed and charred up divin powar. But as i did i remembored the gud tims I had with Edgeguard and i hesitatod and that gav her tim to dog the beem. She ran at me and hit me in the hed with her humor and i lost conshusness.

TO BE CONCUSSIONED


	22. EPILUG: THE FAL OF WESTON SYMBOLIZATION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hapy New Yeer!!! Fist of al I hav to say that I DONUT SHIP EDGEGUARD AND DUMBITCHRY!!! I forgut they wer stepsibligs and accidentaly mad them a cople. I genunely disaprov of insect caus its like homesexuality and beestiality and polly armory. Its SINFULL SEXAUL DEFIANCY!!! I retconed all the refrences to them bean a cople and now its Dimtry and Mermadies and Edelbard and Hugert (who ar now in a poleamorus relatinship with Dorkathea caus their librul comanists). I didnt evan ship them in the fist place I just no peple on this cite like ships so I added som in for them (and i wanted to proov that the gud guys are strate and that Idolgard was pritending to be strate). I aslo preyed to God for forgivness for this.
> 
> AND STOP CALING ME GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I WAS GAY I WOOD BE A LITERAL AND IM CLEERLY NOT! IM NOT RAISINS EITHER CAUS CLOD AND DEADUE AR BLAC AND THEIR GUD GUYS!!!!!! AND PATRA IS A MAXICAN WHO IS A GUD GUY!!!! AND MOST OF THE VILANS ARE WITE! But I am homephobic and trensphobic caus gay peeple ar grose. But I wood rather bee tans then gay. Caus beign a boy sucks. But im not gona becom a trans caus thats SINFILL!
> 
> Aslo this capter is gonna be in the turd person insted of bean narated by Blyleth (caus hes in a comma rite now).

“BOYLETH” screemed Clod. He preyed to God that I would be saf from been taken to a Gooleg. Then Blyat's incontinent body telaported away to a hospittle. Clud lucked around and saw that the entir army had been defeat. Then sudanly a nook fell and it explouded, destorying Pragger U and the Vandicam! The Gilded Deer and Rad Loins wer sum of the onely peeple left. Fortnitely evryone had ejaculated the campis for the final battal. Flan and Seth and Handyman wer their too, and so wer Dongle Turnip and Mink Pants. The collumnists suronded them and Edgeguard and Humbert and Dorathy waked up to them.  
“Theirs no gong back. Giv up bean concertatives or ill send you to the goolag.” said Edgelord.  
“Nevar” said Trum.  
“Wel I gues your gong to the gullag fist DRUMP.” said Edelfart.  
“Weight, Eggoward! Im not a conservationist! If I joyn you, I can be a vary valuble assit to you! Im an impotent librul sientist after al.” said Hanuman  
“Okay then. You can john me.” said Evilgard.  
“On won conditon. You let the sudents escap.” he said.  
“Okay. But I will captar Tramp and Pants.” she said.  
“Deel.” said Hankman.  
“You tater!!” shotted Feliz.  
“Im a trader who just shaved your livs.” said Hankman.  
“We shud have scene this cumming. He was a libreal aftur al. Lets get out of hear” said Seth, and he prayed to God to telaport the rest of the stoodents away.

Soon Edgeguard changed her tital from President to Dicktater and made Dorkathea the fist lady and Humphry the fist man. Amrica becam collumnist, and she changed the capital from Waspington CD to Stan Frencisco (she changd the nam to Edelgrad case in the Solvent Onion cities wer called Stolengrad and Lemongrad and stuf lik that). All the ripuplicans wer kinked out of the govermint and riplased with collumnists and libruls. Tump and Penis and Cabinaw and all tha others got throne in the Goolag that used to be the tansgender prison (all the tranies who wer in their got freed caus linerals think LGTV peeple cant comet crime)  
Then Ladleguard annext Canneda, which was eesy case they wer alreddy super liboral and they instatly agreed to becum part of the Collumnist Stats of Amurica.

Then Edgegard and Honeyman went on a trip to Lundin (the capital of Britishland). They went on a wok in a cementery.  
“Hey Hempman, do you no if sicence can bring peeple back to lif?” she siad.  
“Well the Dink Stank brot Stallion back as a sybrog, and they can bing back zambonis using dork magic” said Hammyhands  
“Yeah but Stallone is juts an artifishal intelgance bassed on Stallion. Hes not as smard or powarfel as the reel Stahlin. And the zumbas are just zomboys.” said Emblemgard.  
“If Haven and Helm were reel maybe their wold be a weigh to brink summon out of thate” said Hankerchief.  
“Bailiff was talken into Hall durian the battle but cam back. We need to no how he did that” said Eddieward.  
“Well Hall isn’t reel” said Hanuman. Edgeguard sighed and wanked over to a spacific tom. It was the tom of... Kare Max!!!

THE AND  
(FOR NOW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoap evryone linked my fanfic! Im gona start werking on the seequl soon.


End file.
